Unwillingly Nocturnal

For the second half of this month, I have been on the night shift in the Cardiovascular ICU: 5PM until 7AM Mon- Fri. I don't like it. I am by design a morning person. I love the early morning hours when no one else is awake, and I can do stuff without too many people around, but have the energy from a good night's sleep. I love the morning dew. I love watching the sunrise. I love breakfast. Despite my terrible fear of birds, I actually like to hear them chirp early in the morning, as long as they are outside. This rotation has ruined all that. My first few nights were straight out of an episode of ER (or Grey's Anatomy, these days, I guess): blood everywhere, dropping pulsox, hearts racing (ours, not the patient). Not only am I not sleeping, I am also working my a** off trying to keep my patients alive. Once my shift is over, I can barely keep my eyes open to find my way out of the hospital.

Apparently, it is not usually this busy. For some reason, I have been labeled a "black cloud," for all the business I seem to bring in. Not that I am personally responsible for causing all these patients to come in, but it just seems that my call nights are always the bad ones. I actually had one attending tell me that she didn't want to have call with me anymore because I am a black cloud. One of the cardiothoracic fellows said the same thing about me. I must re-iterate that I do not cause these things to happen; it is not my incompetence or lack of skill that brings this on. I mean, I can't help it if half of the metro's pregnant women go into labor at the same time, can I? Or if a dozen people come in with appendicitis that needs to be treated right now? Or if all the post-op patients stop breathing at the same time? Or if the local gangs decide that TONIGHT is the THE NIGHT. I say not. Some people think it is Karma, and ask me what I have done wrong. Hmmm. That would make for a great conversation, wouldn't it?

I look forward to the end of this week, as it marks the temporary end of my night shift rotation. I will still have my regular call nights, but not the graveyard shift every night. Unfortunately, my body is getting used to being nocturnal, making next week's regular day hours potentially difficult to get used to. Just this evening, I was lying in bed in the call room, happy to have the chance to sleep, and I just couldn't. So here I am writing to share with all (2) of you who read my blog. Thank you for reading.