In Mourning

My sister used to read my blog. It is hard to write knowing that she will never read it again, although I believe she is watching over me, and knows what is going on.

The death of a loved one is difficult. The death of a child, a spouse, a sibling -they each have different versions of pain. Sometimes I feel like my pain can't compare to that of my parents, her fiance, not even to that of my little sister. Almost as if I don't have a right to mourn as much as they can. In my head I realize that I AM permitted to mourn, but I just haven't given myself a chance to do so. I cry. I miss her. But only to myself. Sometimes to my husband, and one or two close friends. But I am trying to be strong for everyone else. And trying to remember all the happiness instead of dwelling on the pain.

This would have been her wedding song. Instead we played it at her funeral. Thank you to all of you for your thoughts, prayers, and kind words. And thank you for being good to her, and remembering her beautiful soul.