Keeping Up with the Jones's

I had a great conversation with a close friend of mine yesterday. We were talking about how we feel about material possessions and the role they play in our lives. In the big scheme of things, I know where I stand, but on a day-to-day basis, it is hard to remind myself of the big picture. I was never into flashy jewelry, or fancy cars. Sure, I went through my teen years wanting the designer clothes, but that passed; and even today, I don't mind spending more on quality items, like a good pair of shoes that feel comfortable and last. But no body has to know how much I spent on an item, nor what brand it is. And I never plan on upgrading my wedding ring, like the wives of my classmates do. When I was a kid, my parents were pretty tight fisted. They placed little value on material things, and reminded me that what matters most is what kind of person you are on the inside (and that you always wear clean underwear, but that's another story). I hold onto that belief very strongly (well, both beliefs), and want to raise my children to value the same. I find this to be very challenging because I, myself, feel conflicted.

We live in an upper middle class, suburban neighborhood, where people drive SUVs, wear designer clothes, and have every electronic gadget along their belts. We moved here because it gave us access to daycare and schools where we wanted our children to go. I don't feel comfortable here. In so many ways, I don't feel as if I belong. I feel as if my husband and children belong, but not me. When I go to pick up either of my children, I feel as if I have to get dressed up and look my best. Even if I'm coming home from work in scrubs, I feel as if I at least have to "pretty myself up." Crazy, huh? I feel self conscious about my Honda Accord and my disheveled hair. SO SUPERFICIAL OF ME!!! I talk to my husband about this, but he is a lot more confident about it than I. In fact, the rebel that he is, he intentionally wears shorts and ratty t-shirts to pick up the kids. He knows who he is, and doesn't care what the other parents think of him. Wish I could think the same way. The problem is that when we don't know each other very well, we judge each other on superficial criteria like what we do for a living, what we drive, how big our diamonds are, how green our lawn is, etc. I don't like this game, not because I don't think I can play, but because I am afraid of winning. Winning goes against my core beliefs that valuing possessions and appearances is sinful. And I don't want to go to hell. Well, I am not a religious fanatic by any means, and I certainly don't think that everyone around me is going to hell. Which is why I feel as if I talked myself into a corner on this one: why do I think it is okay for everyone else to value appearances and material things, but not me? I don't think badly of the people that do value these things, but I DO think badly of myself if I start to place more importance on appearance and material possessions. Can't think of a way to reconcile all this right now. Stay tuned for part 2 . . .