My First Post

I created this blog several months ago, but have not posted until today. I had a really bad week at work, and decided it was time to vent my thoughts. Although my parents and my husband have been great about listening to me, I thought that posting my thoughts would be a good way to speak freely and possibly get some different perspectives.

My husband and son are out and my daughter is napping, so I finally have some peace and quiet. I am a 1st year anesthesiology resident, married, with 2 children. Lately, I have felt very demoralized at work. I realize that being a resident comes with a lot of scut work, and belittling, but I am getting to the point where I start to believe that I am not worth more than doing scutwork. My work environment is an obnoxious one. People are rude, sarcastic, and downright mean. I am starting to believe that people overall are fundamentally mean. I do not want to play that game. I do not feel comfortable being rude to people. When I ask simple question, like, "Do you know the patient's name?" there are other ways to answer other than, "Do I look like the hospital directory to you?"

I feel that I have a good home life overall, and consider quitting residency to spend more time with my family. But I have so many excuses for not quitting. First, I have worked my whole life to get to this point. I may regret not completing residency down the line. I am 2 years away from finishing. I like the anesthesia itself (aside from all the politics, mindgames, etc). I NEED to work to keep my mind stimulated and feel a sense of accomplishment. I have student loans to pay back. How proud would I be to finish and establish myself career-wise? Well, what about all the reasons to quit? I would be able to spend more time with my children. I have would have a more direct influence on them. I would be able to see my husband for more than a fleeting moment every day. I would be able to spend more time with my parents, sisters, and friends. I would have more time for myself.

I am still trying to get comfortable with posting these thoughts. I am certain that with time, I will be able to be a little more free. I am holding back all the angry, bitter, sarcastic thoughts that are running through my mind ( about work, that is). Stay tuned . . .