Long Lost Friends

Hello, my long lost friends! Wow it's been a long time! I apologize for not writing. I have no good excuse, except that I am too much of a perfectionist to post anything other than a well-thought out piece. But I am over that. So here is a post with rather random thoughts during this sleepless night. I can't sleep so I thought it was time to get back to writing and releasing some of the many of thoughts that have been occupying my mind over the last few months. It may take several posts; would that entice any of my long-lost readers? If there is anyone left after my long hiatus . . .

Last week was a fun one. Thanksgiving with family friends, my parents' 40th wedding anniversary, then, finally my 20 year high school reunion. It was an exhausting, and fun-filled weekend, but one that has left me very pensive, and possibly over thinking things.

I like to think that I am a confident, mature, responsible woman - a mom, a wife, a caretaker. But when I "went back to high school," aka attended my high school reunion, I regressed into an insecure little girl who needs validation from others. I dragged my poor husband to this event because deep down I needed him to draw my confidence from him. Crazy, huh?



It was really great to see everyone at the reunion. We all got along great and had a great time -dancing and drinking, reminiscing, and swapping parenting stories. There is nothing like catching up with the people who knew me way back then, before the callousing, and the maturing occurred. The friends I made back then were made during a phase of my life when I was open with my feelings. Many of us fell right into comfortable banter and conversation, but a more mature version. Making new friends now is challenging, for me anyway. Yes, I still make new friends, but it's not the same. I have developed a shell, and rarely leave myself vulnerable to criticism or disapproval or anything else like that. When I was younger, I told my friends my thoughts, my feelings, about everyone and everything. Now, I just try to be the the best version of me that I can.


But in the end I realize that I have been able to make new friends - new friendships with old friends. Many of us have withstood many hardships over the years -poor health, failed relationships and marriages, losses of loved ones, financial and career problems. Yet, when we reconvene like we did last week, we revert back to who we are deep down, but a wiser, more experienced version of ourselves. In my case, a more patient, understanding, confident, and grateful, less egocentric version of myself. My friends are still kind, loyal, supportive, and caring, but with new lives -new relationships, new experiences, new outlooks on life. And when I met up with these lovely people again -Voila- new friendships are born.

I feel very luck to have all my friends- old and new, and renewed! Blessings to all of you!

You've Got a Friend

When I left the East Coast to move to Kansas City, I knew life would go on without me. I had been very sad to leave my family and friends behind, thinking at some level that they would forget about me. I had a tough time adjusting to my new surroundings. But then my husband and I made some new friends. It was like serendipity; a handful of us newcomers came together, all from different places, and became instant friends at a weekend retreat, as if God himself had brought us together. We partied together, prayed together, even had children together. My husband and I had certainly built a new life for ourselves away from the East Coast.

Then this past summer, we moved back East. It was a very easy decision for us to make. We always knew we would come home. We wanted our children to be close to family, to be raised in a culture in which we each had been raised, to be Yankees -no Red Sox- no Yankees fans. So we did it. Got new jobs, bought a house, and drove our children across the country, home.

We have been back 6 months now. Getting together with family has been wonderful. Being able to see my parents or sister at a moment's notice has been fun. Being able to drive rather than having to fly to see my in-laws has been so convenient. My husband and I are so happy that the children are really getting to know there grandparents and vice versa. The move- well worth it. No question about it.

But I often feel lonely. I miss my friends from Kansas City, the ones who had already moved away, as well as the ones who are still there. For the past ten years, they saw me through so many of my tough times -from parenthood to medical school to residency, through the late nights of partying and studying and feeding the babies and taking call in the hospital. And although I have absolutely no regrets about moving back, I still miss my friends.

This past weekend, I got together with my old high school girlfriends. When I had first moved back, I e-mailed and called them and said, "We MUST get together." But the truth was, I was very anxious about seeing everyone again. For one thing, so much has changed: we have been through career changes, relationships, marriages, breakups, parenthood, deaths. We certainly aren't the same teens or even twenty-somethings we once were when I last saw them all. What if we have nothing to talk about? Worse yet, what if we -gasp -disagree on things? What if they don't like me anymore? What if I am the only one in the room who doesn't know what is going on? What if their new friends are meanies and don't want me around? All very mature concerns, don't you agree?

Well, I was wrong. At least partly. When I saw a bunch of my friends this past weekend, things had changed so much, and we were not the same people we knew way back when. We are more experienced (read: older), wiser (read: made lots of mistakes along the way, but have learned from them), tougher (read: been hurt, and now more cautious). But deep down, they are all the same kind, good natured, fun people I learned to love in high school. And their "new" friends -well, I should have known that these wonderful friends of mine would also have wonderful friends of their own, and what the hell was I thinking anyway??? That night of our get-together, we all laughed so hard together, that our cheeks started to hurt part way through the night. And there was not an ounce of meanness in the air -no pettiness, no cliquishness. Just good, welcoming, but real people.

That night, I made new friendships, and re-kindled old ones. It made me reflect on all the great friends I have made throughout my life. It is funny that I imagined that everyone else gets together all the time, and always has so much to talk about, and that I am the only one left out of the loop. The reality is we think about each other often, and try to spend time together when we can (Vegas anyone?). I feel so blessed to have had such great people touch my life. I hope that I have made a difference in some of yours.