A New Year's Prayer

I approached the end of 2010 with mixed feelings. 2010 sucked for me and my family, so I am glad to see it go, but the new year also marks us moving away from the newness of my sister's death, something that I am reluctant to do. Our lives have moved on, and in some ways life is easier. But the pain, when it resurfaces, hurts so damn much. And unlike when my sister had first died, my bouts of sadness now are unexpected to those around me. They just seem to come out of nowhere. Last year, when my sister walked into one of our parties, she said, "Ooh . . . there's Map's lasagna. I have been waiting for this. I even took extra insulin." So when I was in the middle of constructing my lasagna this past holiday season, I broke down into tears, sobbing over the counter top. And when people asked me what my plans were for New Year's Eve, I had to hold back my tears, and quickly change the subject.

But a new year it is, and although I am currently resisting any active attempts to break free from the cloud of sorrow that envelopes me, I do have faith that one day soon, I will willingly rejoin the human race. I am just giving myself a little time to be sad, and be okay with it.

In the meantime, I want to share this prayer that a friend of mine, Jim Smith, shared with me today. Be well . . .

May God make your year a happy one!

Not by shielding you from all sorrows and pain,

But by strengthening you to bear it, as it comes;

Not by making your path easy,

But by making you sturdy to travel any path;

Not by taking hardships from you,

But by taking fear from your heart;

Not by granting you unbroken sunshine,

But by keeping your face bright, even in the shadows;

Not by making your life always pleasant,

But by showing you when people and their causes need you most,

and by making you anxious to be there to help.

God's love, peace, hope, and joy to you for the year ahead.